Never Say Goodbye
by SindyLoo
Summary: AU: "I'm doing the best as I can for Henry but, I'm just so tired, Nick. I don't know what to do, every morning since the accident he's come into my room and asked me where Brian was, asked me when he's coming home, how do you tell a 4 year old that his father may never come back home?"
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This will most likely be a short mult-chapter story with about 3-4 chapters. A little background, this story is AU and anything in italics is a flashback. Also, I own nothing, the characters from SVU all belong to Dick Wolf.  
Imani, Erica, Fiona &amp; Diana, don't hate me, k? You guys wanted me to write and this was the outcome 3**

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_Olivia's eyes fluttered open as her senses awoke, the aroma of coffee and bacon drifted into her room and the sounds of laughter coming from the living room filled her heart with more joy than she could ever imagine. Olivia beamed as she walked past the kitchen and into the living room where Brian and Henry were sitting and watching cartoon, she smiled to herself before interrupting the special daddy-son bonding time they shared every Saturday morning, "something smells incredible, which of you two handsome men made breakfast?"_

_She tied her robe tighter as the chilly morning air brushed against her skin and Brian stood up to greet his wife, "I showered this morning, thanks for noticing." Brian joked before he placed a soft kiss on Olivia's lips as she chucked at her husband's stupid joke, "Good morning, gorgeous."_

_"Morning, Bri" Olivia nestled her head in the crook of her husband's neck and smiled when he wrapped his arms around her, her smile grew brighter when she heard her son calling for her,_

_"Momma, Momma! Daddy made breakfast, pancakes and bacon."_

_Olivia smiled at Brian before bending down to be at eye-level with her son, she wrapped her arms around him and placed a kiss on his head before letting him go, "He did? I though you made mommy breakfast. How was daddy's cooking, was it as good as mommy's?"_

"_Even better!" he proudly proclaimed, a huge smile plastered on his face._

_Brian burst out laughing as Olivia mocked being hurt, "that's my boy!" Brian said as he tousled Henry's hair, and gave him a kiss on the head before Henry turned back to his cartoons._

_Olivia smiled contently as she watched Henry laugh at favourite cartoon. She made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee as Brian pulled up a seat at the breakfast bar, his eyes glued on their little boy, "You know, Bri he adores you. You're his hero." _

_Brian's face lit up as he glanced back at the child he was once so convinced he wasn't ready to father, "the feeling is mutual, Liv. That little boy…" Brian paused to look over at the boy who was laughing at something on TV, "that little boy saved me. I don't know what I'd do without you two. You and Henry have been the best thing to have ever happened to me. Thank you, Baby."_

_Olivia crooked her head to the side and squinted, confused as to what her husband could possibly be thanking her for, "Thank me? What for, Bri? I didn't do anything…"_

"_Yes you did, Liv. You knew me better than I knew myself; you believed that I could be a father to our baby, even when I was convinced having a baby was a terrible idea. You trusted me to be a good father when I assumed I'd be the worst father in the world and for that, I'll forever be thankful."_  
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Olivia lay silent in the large bed, her head resting on Brian's pillow. Her heart ached at the realization that his pillow was starting to lose his scent; it now smelled more of her own shampoo than of the scent that she could only describe as 'Brian'.

Her head was pounding and her body was tired from lying awake and crying all night, it seemed that no matter what she did, her mind wouldn't let her think of anything other than Brian and the moments they shared together.

She perched herself up on the bed as she heard the second bedroom door open and listened as the pitter-patter of little footsteps approached her bedroom door. She quickly wiped her eyes and shook her head, trying to regain her composure. She smiled when the door opened and she saw his head pop in, "momma? Can I come in?"

"Of course you can, baby." Olivia smiled as 4 year old, Henry jumped into her bed and snuggled his head into her chest.  
"Momma?"

"Yes, pumpkin?"

Henry looked up at his mother, his eyes full of hope as he asked the same question he's asked every day since the accident, "is daddy home?"

Olivia's heart broke hearing her son ask for his father, her eyes glanced quickly at the diamond rings that sat firmly on her fingers before placing a soft kiss on her son's head, "no, bud. Daddy's not coming home today."

"When momma?" Henry's voice was quiet and defeated; it had been 12 days since the accident. 12 days since Brian got called into work on his day off to try to help close a case they've been working on, 12 days since Olivia last heard her husband's voice, 12 days since Henry got to see his father.

Olivia picked up her son and placed him on her lap so he was looking at her, his eyes were clouded with sadness and his lip quivered as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Olivia inhaled deeply and smiled softly at her son, hoping he wouldn't see the pain in her eyes, "Henry, remember mommy told you that daddy was hurt? Well, he's still sleeping and I don't know when he's going to wake up. We just have to wait and see."

"I miss daddy." The tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes were now streaming down his face as he his buried his face into his mother's chest as he cried.

"I miss him too, baby. I miss him too." Olivia said sadly as she placed a kiss on his head and her own tears started to fall.

.

Olivia hurriedly packed away the dishes as Henry sat quietly in the living room watching his favourite episode of Bananas in Pyjamas, just as she packed away the last of her dishes she heard a quiet knocking at the door, "that must be Uncle Nick, go to your room and get your bag, please."

She walked toward the door and greeted her partner, "thank you so much for taking him this weekend, Nick. I owe you."

"No you don't, Liv. How are you holding up?"

Olivia offered Nick a smile that didn't reach her eyes, "I'm doing the best as I can for Henry but, I'm just so tired Nick. I don't know what to do, every morning since the accident he's come into my room and asked me where Brian was, asked me when he's coming home…" Olivia shut her eyes tight, trying her best to kept the tears that were welling in her eyes at bay, she took a deep breath and looked back at her partner, "how do you tell a 4 year old that his father may never come back home?"

"Liv, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I know me and Cassidy didn't always see eye-to-eye but I know how happy he made you, and I've seen how much he and Henry love each other. No one should have to endure what he did."

"God, I was so happy when he decided not to take the transfer to homicide because I was terrified something like this would happen. These things like this don't happen to IAB detectives…" Olivia's voice broke as tears streamed down her face, "he was supposed to be off, Nick. He should've been home, with Henry and me but he couldn't leave his squad when they needed him. He was a good man, a good cop..."

"Is, Olivia, is. He _is_ a good man, he _is_ a good cop. I know you're preparing yourself for what could happen but you need to stay positive, for Brian. For Henry." Nick pulled his partner in for a hug and felt as her body relaxed into his, and felt as she let a few more tears stream down her face, he pulled away and looked at her once more this time with a small smile and put his hand on her shoulder, "he'll pull through this Liv. Cassidy wouldn't give up on you and Henry so easily."

"Thank you" Olivia whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes and smiling appreciatively at her partner, "I should go check on Henry, he's been in his room for a while…"

"Let me, Liv."

"Are you sure? I'm sticking him with you for a weekend, the least I can check on him before I send him off with you."

Nick chucked at Olivia and offered a reassuring smile, "he's the most well behaved child I have ever met, it's my pleasure to watch him for a few days and he's my godson, it's also my duty."

As if on cue Henry walked out his room with his backpack on and joyfully exclaimed "all ready mommy!" His smile widened when he saw his godfather smiling at him "Uncle Nick!" Henry ran to his godfather and hugged him tightly, smiling widely as he informed him of their plans, "momma says I get to spend the weekend with you and Zara!"

"I know pal, we're going to have so much fun together. I missed you." Nick gently let go of Henry and smiled at him, "go say goodbye to mommy so we can go get Zara and go to the park, okay?"

Once Olivia and Henry said their goodbyes, Olivia handed Nick the bag she had packed for Henry, she smiled sadly at her partner and thanked him once again before they left. Once she was alone, Olivia sat on the couch and cradled her hand in her face as her memories took her back to her wedding day.

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_It was a beautiful mid-July afternoon, and the sun was shiny brightly over the gazebo where Brian and Olivia stood, both beaming with joy and love. Brian wore a dark grey suit and Olivia opted for a simple, ivory empire waist chiffon dress that accentuated her tiny baby bump perfectly. They stood in front of each other, their hands clasped tightly as the officiant spoke "Brian and Olivia have written their own vows and Olivia has asked to speak first"_

_Olivia looked at Brian and smiled as she recited her vows "Brian, I woke up today and it was just another Saturday morning. The sun rose, a baby was born and somewhere, someone took their last breath. But I stand here, now, in front of you and our friends and family and it's no longer just another Saturday afternoon; it's the day I marry my best friend, the father of child, the man who showed me the light during my darkest days. Today is the day I, we get forever. I promise to love you, cherish you and to respect you but most of all; I promise to never give up on us and to believe in all the greatness that will come out of our union. I love you." Olivia looked up at Brian and smiled sweetly, her vision cloudy with tears._

_Brian gently released Olivia's hands and wiped the tears from her face before clasping their hands again, and placing a tender kiss on her knuckle as the officiant spoke again "Brian, you may say your vows."_

"_Olivia, from the first moment I laid eyes on you I knew there was something different about you, something special. You're presence made my life brighter, your smile made the days easier, your laugh erased all the troubles life threw my way. When we first met, I was young and naïve. I let you go and I ran, but now? Every day that I wake up I thank whatever God is listening for bringing you back to me. We've weathered many storms together and we've shared the brightest of days, you've been my greatest challenge but you've also been my biggest blessing. I vow to always love you like I'll never love another day in my life, to grow old with you and to cherish every moment we share. You have my heart, Olivia, today, tomorrow and forever more. I love you."_

_Brian looked at the woman standing in front of him and his heart swelled. Her eyes portrayed more love than he ever imagined possible. He blinked back a few tears and gently squeezed her hand while the officiant continued with the ceremony. They said their "I do's" and shared a tender kiss before heading into the reception hall._

_Brian and Olivia sat comfortably together while their friends and family congratulated them and made their toasts, once dinner was served and the wedding cake was cut, Brian and Olivia shared their first dance as husband and wife to Bon Jovi's Thank You for Loving Me. Brian sang along with the song, whispering each word in his wife's ear; __**Thank you for loving me, for being my eyes when I couldn't see, for parting my lips when I couldn't breathe. Thank you for loving me…**_

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Olivia made her way through the white hallway of Mercy, and stopped to breathe deeply before reaching the large doors that led to the ICU, no matter how many times she walked through those doors the pain, anger and fear never let up. She walked the short hallway and said hello to the nurses before stopping abruptly at the last door, she carefully turned the knob and entered the room. The room was exactly as she left it the night before, a cold reminder that Brian hasn't woken up, that everyone's unsure of if he ever will, or what his life would be like when if he does awaken. She took the seat beside her husband's bed as she has done for the last 12 days. She gently held his hand and placed a soft kiss on it on as tears rolled down her cheeks, "hey, Bri" she whispered through her tears, "Baby, I need you to wake up for me, I need you to come home. I'm trying so hard to keep it together for Henry but Bri, every day that I wake up alone in our bed I fall apart. I'm so lost without you, Baby. You've always been the one who helped me through the darkest periods in my life I have no idea how to cope without you.."

Olivia sobbed quietly as she watched her husband's chest rise and fall with the help of a machine; Brian had always been the strongest man she knew and watching as he lay hopeless in a hospital bed broke her heart. She sat in the solitude of the room with nothing but her thoughts and the constant beeping of the machines until she heard a quiet knock at the door, "Sergeant Benson, good morning."

Olivia smiled politely at the woman standing in front of her, "hello Dr. Flores."

"We have some good news, your husband's CT scan came back clear of clots and bleeds and his MRI shows that the swelling in his brain has reduced tremendously, there is still some swelling but we want to lessen his sedation and attempt to bring him out of the medically induced coma to see how his body would react."

Olivia listened intently as Dr. Flores explained Brian's updated condition to her, smiling at the feeling of hope she received from her words but as quickly as hope built up inside of her, fear began to set in, "is it safe to try to bring him out of the coma if there is still swelling in the brain? I don't want you to rush anything, please."

"We aren't rushing anything, Sergeant; we need to see where Brian is and how much he has recovered since we put him under. Many patients recover naturally with slight swelling but some still need the extra time, there is no way of determining what would happen with Brian until we begin to wean him off the sedation."

"Okay. When will this happen?"

"We'll be back in about 4 hours to reverse the effects of the sedation," Dr. Flores looked at Olivia and smiled sweetly before she turned around and walked out of the room, once again leaving Olivia with nothing but her thoughts and the sounds of the machines that were monitoring him. She gripped his hand once more and gently laid her head on the bed beside his leg and eventually dozed off.

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Olivia woke up when she heard quiet a quiet knock at the door, Dr. Flores entered the room with a team of doctors and she quickly explained to Olivia what they would all be doing, Olivia listened intently and said a silent prayer as she stood at Brian's head side, she placed a tender kiss on his forehead and whispered "you can do this, Brian. I'll be right here waiting for you" before moving out of the doctors way and watched as they slowly added medication to reverse the effects of the medically induced coma. She held her breath when the doctors stopped and took a step back; she looked at the doctors who were all closely monitoring Brian's stats when his body erupted into violent trembles, "what's happening?" Olivia cried from the corner or the small hospital room,

Dr. Flores glanced at her quickly before turning her attention back to Brian, "he's seizing. Someone get Sergeant Benson out of here, **now**!"

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	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hey guys, I hope you're not all too mad at me for how I left the last chapter, I promised an update and here it is. It took a little longer than I expected and ran longer than I had planned so I'm sorry for the ridiculous length. Imani, Diana, Erica, Fiona &amp; Sara, I didn't take your threats lightly and I promised to get my shit together and I will… eventually. Oh, sorry for any grammatical errors, I'm half asleep.  
Also, once again, the italicized paragraphs are flashbacks. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters. **

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Olivia stood outside Brian's room, tears streaming down her face while she listened to the commands being passed around by the doctor behind the closed door. The uncertainty of not knowing whether her husband would survive or not was becoming too much to bear and she felt her legs start to give in; she pressed her back against the cold hospital wall and allowed her body to slide to the floor. Olivia sat on the hard floor trying to regain her composure and control the convulsing sobs that overtook her body when her mind wandered to the last time she and Brian were together in a hospital, the day their son was born.

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_Olivia grabbed Brian's hand and screamed in pain as a contraction ripped through her body, she had been in labor for 22 hours and was exhausted; she looked at her husband with tears in her eyes and doubt written on her face, "Bri, I can't do this, I'm not ready…"_

_Brian freed his hand from Olivia's grip and gently cupped her face and smiled "yes you can Liv, you were born to be a mother and there is no one in this world who could love their child more than you already do. You're ready for this- we're ready for this." He placed a tender kiss in his wife's hair and took her hand once more, turning his head to the doctor sitting at the end of the bed._

"_That's it, Olivia, you're doing great. The head is out, just a few more big pushes and your baby will be here," Dr. Stephens smiled at Brian and Olivia as another contraction hit, "now, Olivia, push."_

_Olivia used every ounce of strength left in her to push and fell back on the bed when she felt the pressure alleviate from her abdomen, Dr. Stephens smiled genuinely at the couple in front of her "it's a boy." Once Dr. Stephens cleaned up the baby boy she handed him to Olivia, "he's beautiful, congratulations. Have you two decided on a name for him yet?"_

"_No, we wanted to meet him first…"_

"_Okay. For now, we'll call him Baby Boy Benson- Cassidy." Dr. Stephens smiled as she stepped out of the room, allowing the new parents to bond with their baby._

_Olivia looked at her son with tears welling in her eyes and smiled, "hey little man, I'm your mommy and I love you so much"_

"_And I'm your daddy. Sorry I'm not as pretty to look at as mommy is, but you'll get used to it" Brian said, smiling while looking down baby. He glanced at his wife and ran his hand through her hair, smiling at her, "he's perfect, Liv, just like you." Brian smiled and placed a tender kiss on his wife's forehead before bending over and placing a soft kiss on his son's head. "This little guy deserves a name, wouldn't you say?"_

"_Henry."_

_Brian's gaze shifted quickly to his wife, "Henry? Are you sure you want to name him after my father? You don't have to do that, Liv." _

"_I know I don't but I want to. I never got the chance to meet your father but I know how much he meant to you and I know he'd be so proud of the man you are. What do you say, Henry James Cassidy?"_

"_James?"_

_A small smile spread across her face as Olivia looked at her son than back to her husband, "I think it's cute and it suits him. If you don't like it we can pick another name…"_

_Brian cut her off as he placed a kiss on her cheek and stroked his son's face gently, "I love it and I love you."_

"_I love you too, Brian."_

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Olivia's thoughts were interrupted when she heard the door to Brian's room open and Dr. Flores walked into the hall toward her, "Sergeant Benson? Can I have a few moments of your time before you go back in to see your husband?"

Olivia inhaled sharply, terrified of what Dr. Flores would tell her, "of course."

Olivia followed Dr. Flores into an empty office and took a seat across Dr. Flores, "it seems as though your husband's brain hasn't recovered as much as we would've hoped. We've put him back under the sedation and we've also re-intubated him," Dr. Flores quickly glanced at Olivia before continuing, "generally, once we check how the patient reacts to being taken off the sedation we can come up with a course of action but in your husband's case there are still a lot of questions around his prognosis, the seizure could've been a reaction to us reversing the sedation all at once or it was an indication that your husband has permanent brain damage…."

Olivia swallowed hard and inhaled deeply trying to grasp what she was being told, "If you aren't sure of what is wrong with him how will you know how to treat him?"

"What we're going to try to do is gradually wean him off the sedation; it will likely be over the course of a day as opposed to all at once like we did the last today. Hopefully by doing this his body will have a better chance of recovering more naturally."

"And if that doesn't work? What happens is he seizes again?"

"If he begins to seize again it's likely that there is permanent brain damage and we'd have to run further tests to see how much damage has been done and whether or not it's possible for recovery. In any case, you should be prepared, this can go either way. I'm sorry we couldn't have better results or more news for you, Sergeant."

Olivia sat completely still trying to absorb everything she had just been told, ever since Brian was admitted to Mercy's Intensive Care Ward she had been trying to prepare herself for whatever situation could be thrown at her but now it was all too real, there was a chance she'd lose her husband and she knew that nothing could prepare her for that, she looked up at the woman in front of her and blinked back tears, "thank you, Dr. Flores," she offered the doctor a sad smile as she headed toward the door, "I'm going to see him before I head off for the night. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Olivia walked into her husband's room and stared at him; she watched as machines helped him breathe, as he lay there, in the same position he had been in for nearly two weeks. The silence was all it took to cause her knees to go weak and for the tears to stream down her face, she took her usual seat in the chair by her husband's bed and took his hand, "Bri, I know this is hard but baby I need you to get better. Henry needs you to get better, he needs his father Brian, and I need my husband. I have to go to court on Monday Bri, the case was fast-tracked and trial is going to start and I really don't know if I can do this. You've always been the one who helped me get through, how am I supposed to do this without you?"

Olivia sat at Brian's bedside for a few hours that night, thankful that the nurses had no objections to her staying past visiting hours and she was especially thankful for that leniency tonight knowing she would be going home to an empty apartment all weekend. She glanced quickly at her watch and smiled a little thinking about her son who was likely fast asleep by now, a stifled yawn escaped her and she took that as her cue to leave. She stood up slowly and planted a soft kiss on Brian's forehead, before walking to the door. Before she turned off the light as she had done every night on her way out, a single tear rolled down her cheek as she whispered "I love you, Brian" into the otherwise quiet room.

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The weekend passed with no news, or updates on Brian's condition, it was Monday, it was time for the trial to start. Olivia looked in the mirror and sighed heavily as she adjusted her blazer, today was the way she faced the man who put her husband's life at risk, the man who selfishly ran a car into her husband who was doing his job. She grabbed her purse and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before walking into Henry's room to check on him, what she saw when she opened his door broke her heart. Henry was sitting on the floor looking at a picture of him and Brian at a baseball game a week before the accident. She sat down on the floor beside her son and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "hey."

Henry looked at Olivia with sad eyes; he said nothing before he turned his attention back to the framed photograph in his hand, a few seconds later he spoke, his already little voice barely audible, "momma, I miss daddy."

Olivia clenched her eyes shut trying to keep her composure, this was hard for her and she couldn't even fathom what her 4 year old was feeling, she placed a soft kiss on his head before pulling him onto her lap, "I know you miss him, baby. I miss him too…"

"Tell him to come home," Henry's voice broke as tears streamed down his face.

Olivia quickly scooped him up and held onto him tightly, afraid that he would see the pain in her own eyes, "I'll tell him baby, I promise you I will but mommy needs to tell you something, okay?"

Henry nodded and Olivia took a deep breath, "sweetheart, daddy is very sick, so sick that the doctors don't know how to help him, right now they're giving him medicine that will help him sleep and that doesn't let him feel any pain but they don't know if he's going to wake up…"

Olivia felt her son's body stiffen and her heart broke, she couldn't imagine what how hard this must be for a 4 year old understand, "the doctors are trying their very best to make daddy better and I promise you, as soon as they tell me anything I will tell you, okay?"

"Okay."

Olivia sat with her son for a few minutes, waiting until she felt his body relax before she stood up and reached out her hand for him to take, "c'mon bud, you need to eat breakfast and get ready to go school."

Olivia led her son to the breakfast bar where she poured him some Lucky Charms and orange juice before heading back into Henry's room to get his backpack and jacket. She stopped to pick up the framed picture Henry had been looking at,

"_Woah! Daddy did you see that?!" Henry's eyes were bright and his smile was he tugged on Brian's shirt, his little body exploding with excitement as he saw his first home run, "he hitted a home run daddy, did you see it?!"_

_Brian's face lit up at the expression on Henry's face, "I did buddy, it was pretty cool wasn't it?"_

"_Yeah!"_

_Olivia smiled as she watched the interaction between her husband and son with a goofy grin plastered on her face, "what, no one cares if I saw it or not?"_

"_I think mommy's a little jealous, Henry"_

_Henry giggled and hugged Olivia, "did you see that momma?"_

"_I think I missed it, why don't you explain what happened to me?" Olivia smiled as her son happily explained that Daniel Murphy hit a home run and took the lead in the game, "thank you for explaining that to me, baby. Daddy never explains sports to me." _

_Brian looked over at Olivia and chuckled, he knew she wasn't a fan of baseball but he admired her fake enthusiasm for the game that Henry loved, he smiled sweetly at her before she spoke again, "Hey, why don't you go stand with daddy and so I can take a picture?"_

_Brian opened his arms for Henry and he happily ran to his father, he turned to face Olivia who smiled when she saw the pure joy and excitement that was on his face, her smile only grew in size when she noticed the pride that was radiating off her husband's face. She quickly took the picture before sitting back to enjoy the weather and the special moment she was sharing with her family, the kind of moment she never expect she would ever get. _

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Olivia walked through the courthouse, her mind and heart but racing out of the uncertainty, of what lay ahead of her. There were many details of the accident that she was still unaware of and she wasn't sure she was ready to hear them all. So caught up in her own thoughts she jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, "Olivia, How are you, and Henry?"

Olivia swallowed hard upon hearing the familiar voice, the voice that once caused her nothing but anger and annoyance now caused her sadness, Lt. Tucker's voice was filled with grief and remorse, "I'm… trying. But Henry, he's taking it hard."

"Are there any updates on Brian's condition?"

Olivia's eyes shifted to the ground and shuffled her weight back and forth as she explained what Dr. Flores had told her, she watched as Ed Tucker's usual confident demeanor changed to one of sadness, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and smiled sadly, "I am so sorry you and Henry have to go through this but Cass…Brian's a strong man and he loves you both too much to give up on you."

"I hope so."

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Olivia sat uncomfortably through day of the court proceedings, she watched as Jesse Howards sat, wordlessly through opening statements, he showed no remorse and no emotion when his crimes were mentioned. She watched as he stared straight ahead, smugly, while the doctors explained the extent of Brian's injuries and she felt sick to her stomach. Once court was adjourned for the day she said goodbye to Tucker and got into her car to visit her husband.

Olivia shuffled through radio stations while sitting in New York traffic, after the day she had she wanted nothing more than to see her husband and to go home to her son. The hustle and bustle of the busy New York streets seemed to come to a standstill when she heard Lonestar's _I'm Already There_ start to play on the radio; "A little voice came on the phone, said 'Daddy when you coming home?' He said the first thing that came to his mind; I'm already there, Take a look around, I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground.." A single tear rolled down her cheek, the lyrics took on a new meaning, a meaning she wished she didn't have to live through.

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Olivia walked into her husband's room and smiled sweetly at the nurse who was taking his vitals, "Hannah, hello."

"Hi Olivia, are you today?"

Olivia glanced down at her husband and gently ran her hand over his arm before looking back at Hannah, "I could be a lot worse…"

Hannah nodded knowing what Olivia was insinuating, "Dr. Flores asked me to let her know when you arrived. Will you be staying for a little while today?"

"Not too long, my son is home with the sitter."

"Okay, I'll let her know you're here."

Hannah filled out Brian's chart before swiftly exiting the room, leaving Olivia alone with her husband, she took a seat and looked around the small room, every day the silence grew slightly more unbearable, the one-sided conversations tore away at her heart and the hope she had been holding onto faded a little more.

"I went to court today, Bri. I saw him, Jesse, he looked…smug and unremorseful. I need you to get better; I need you to help me." Olivia scuffed when she realized what she was saying, "God. Listen to me, I'm being so selfish right now, but I need you. I really need you..."

Olivia's thoughts were cut off when she heard a knocking at the door, she wiped the few stray tears that had fallen down her cheeks just as Dr. Flores entered the room, "sergeant, good afternoon."

"Dr. Flores, hello. Hannah said you wanted to speak with me? Is everything okay?"

"We ran a few more tests on your husband today, it seems as though the swelling in his brain has alleviated completely and we want to gradually wean him off the sedation tomorrow and we'd like to start early, is that okay with you?"

"Yes, of course. What time should I be here?"

"We usually try to start around 7:30am"

Olivia nodded, "I'll make arrangements with my sitter. Thank you, Dr. Flores."

"You're welcome."

Dr. Flores walked left Brian's room and Olivia sat in silence, her thumb idly stroking the back of Brian's hand as she put her head down beside Brian's arm and said a silent prayer that her husband would make it through this.

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The next morning Olivia woke up and sat up in her bed, she fiddled with the hem of Brian's old ACDC t-shirt and exhaled deeply. She wanted nothing more than to get up and face the day but she was terrified, terrified that by the end of the day she might not have her husband back. She finally willed herself to get up and within an hour she had showered and was ready to go, she heard a knock at her door and smiled when she saw Henry's sitter, Nyla standing in front of her, smiling as she handed her a venti coffee, "I figured you could use one of these today."

"You're incredible. Thank you so much, Nyla. I'll keep you posted on Brian's condition, tell Henry I love him and make sure he doesn't talk you into giving him two sugary snacks for school. He's a smooth-talker he got that from his father"

Nyla smiled "Olivia, I got this. I'm probably the only person Henry can't convince; you're more likely to give into him than I am. Don't stress, I'll be here as long as you need me, I kept my day and night open. Go."

.

Olivia glanced down at her watch and realized she had about 5 minutes until Dr. Flores had planned to start weaning Brian off the sedation; she walked swiftly down the halls, her speed increasing as she reached the large double doors leading to the ICU. She made her way to Brian's room and inhaled deeply when she saw that Dr. Flores was already there, "good morning sergeant."

"Good morning, Dr. Flores"

"Would you like a few moments with Brian before we start?"

Olivia nodded and Dr. Flores smiled at her, "we'll be right outside, let us know when you're ready."

Olivia waited until she heard the door shut to walk up to Brian's bed, she grasped his hand in hers and spoke quietly, "Bri, baby, I know you can do this, I know it's scary but I promise I'll be here when you wake up. I promised you forever Bri and I'm never going to say goodbye to you. I love you and I can't wait to have you back." She placed a soft kiss on his forehead and smoothed out his hair before calling Dr. Flores back in.

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	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I don't know. Really I don't. I'm sorry. This chapter isn't what I hoped for but it got to the ending I was trying to reach. Imani, I hate you, here's your update. Also, like the other chapters, everything italicized is a flashback and Dick Wolf &amp; NBC own all the SVU characters. **

**And- I'm sorry for any grammatical errors, it's almost 3am and I'm half dead. xox**

.

Olivia watched in fear as Dr. Flores slowly injected medication into Brian's intravenous line, inhaling sharply as memories of Brian seizing flew through her brain. She held his hand tightly, only releasing it when she saw that there was no negative reaction to the medication this time. Slowly she raised his hand that she held in her own and placed a gentle kiss on it before laying it back on the bed.

Dr. Flores looked over at Olivia and wished there was more she could do, more she could say to assure her that everything would be okay but she knew better than anyone that traumatic head injuries were unpredictable. She observed silently before noticing that the woman sitting at her husband's side looked smaller and frailer than when he was admitted. She gently placed a hand on Olivia's shoulder and smiled sympathetically, "Sergeant, why don't you go to the cafeteria, grab some breakfast or have a cup of coffee? We won't be doing anything else for at least a couple of hours."

"I'm okay, thank you." Olivia's gaze never shifted from Brian. Her eyes were locked on his still body, she watched intently as his chest rose and fell with every breath he took.

Dr. Flores smiled at Olivia, understanding the pain, confusion and sadness she was feeling, it was something she dealt with every day but it was still something she would never get used to, "We're all very hopeful for Brian's condition," she waited for Olivia to turn and look at her before continuing, "and I know it's hard but if you don't make sure you're taking care of yourself it becomes a lot harder. You spend so much time here and I rarely ever see you leave this room. I know it's scary but you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, and that includes Brian…"

Olivia looked away from Dr. Flores and back down to her husband's lifeless form on the bed nodding her head, "I know. It's just hard to leave him alone more than I already do…"

"I know it is, but you need to take care of yourself, Olivia. You have a son and the last thing he needs right now is two sick parents." Dr. Flores searched Olivia's face hoping to see a change in her body language and she let out a sigh of relief when she saw Olivia's face soften at the mention of Henry. She smiled at Olivia before walking to the door, "we'll administer another dose in about 2 hours, go to the cafeteria and grab a muffin or a coffee. We don't do anything unless you're here."

"Thank you." Olivia whispered as Dr. Flores walked out of the room, unsure if she ever heard her. She knew she was right; she needed to be at her best for Henry while Brian was at his worst.

Olivia sat alone in the hospital cafeteria, happy she decided to listen to Dr. Flores, she hadn't realized how hungry she was. Alone in the solitude of her thoughts Olivia went over all the different scenarios that could play out by the end of the day. Nothing scared her more than the thought of losing her husband and for some reason she couldn't shake the thought and she hated herself for it, knowing Brian would want her to keep faith.

.

_Olivia sat in the silent living room of the small apartment she and Brian shared, the illumination of the darkening street outside the large window was the only light that shone through the small room. She wrapped her arms around herself and allowed her tears to fall. She was pregnant. She was pregnant and Brian was never home, she was pregnant and she and Brian had never talked about having a family. She heard keys turning in the door and shut her eyes tight, trying to prepare herself for the conversation that they needed to have. _

_Brian walked in the apartment and sighed contently as he pulled his suit jacket off and loosened his tie, he froze when he saw his fiancée sitting in the dark living room, her arms wrapped around herself protectively as he watched her shoulders shake from her silent sobs. He ran over to her and bent down in front of her; worried she had another flashback or something at work triggered her. He didn't touch her immediately instead, he sat on the floor in front of her in silence for a few minutes, waiting for her crying to subside before breaking the silence. "Babe?..." no answer, "Liv?..." she said nothing but he could feel her sobs return. Quietly, he stood up and sat down on the sofa beside her, instinctively he wrapped his arms around her shoulder and pulled her crying frame against his as he whispered soothing words of reassurance into her hair._

_After another 20 minutes of silence Brian pulled Olivia into his lap, and cupped her tear stained face, "Liv, you have to talk to me, Babe. I want to help you but I can't do it if you don't let me in…" Brian felt his heart drop when Olivia still said nothing, instead she moved her eyes so they were focued on the armrest of the sofa "please, Olivia," he whispered, hoping that she could hear the sincerity in his voice. It had been months since he's seen her like this and it worried him, "please let me in, Baby. Don't shut me out."_

_Olivia inhaled deeply and shut her eyes tightly before finally looking up at Brian, "I'm pregnant…" she managed to choke out before another set of sobs took over her body. _

"_Pregnant?" Brian froze, unsure of what to say, he wasn't sure how he felt much less how Olivia felt, a family was something they never discussed, something he never thought he'd get to have, and it was now something he wasn't sure he wanted. Before he could stop himself he spoke again "what are you gonna do?" And as soon as the words left his mouth Brian tensed up, instantly regretting his choice of words. He watched as Olivia's eyes widened in shock and he quickly tried to fix it, "that's not what I meant, Liv. I meant to ask if you think we're ready for this…. Because honestly, I'm not sure we are."_

"_What am I going do? Seriously Brian? This is our child we're talking about, what I'm going to do is figure this out, what I'm going to do is love this baby and find a way to take care of it whether or not you want to because regardless of whether we're ready or not, it's happening." _

_Olivia got up and walked into their bedroom with tears streaming down her face. She didn't know what she expected from this conversation but she didn't expect that._

_Brian sat alone in the dark living room before finally grabbing his coat and walking out of their apartment, he needed to clear his head and he knew that he needed to give Olivia some space before he tried to talk to her again._

_._

_Brian re-entered the dark apartment thirty minutes later and he made his way directly to the bedroom, his heart broke when he heard Olivia's sobs through the door and he hated knowing that he was the reason for her pain. He slowly entered the dark room and stared at the silhouette of his fiancée on their bed, her body shaking and her back turned to him. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hands through his short hair before finally breaking the silence that flooded the room, "Liv, can we talk?" Silence. "Liv, please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"_

_Olivia sat up and looked at Brian and shook her head, "you're sorry?" She scoffed, "what are you sorry about Brian?" Olivia's voice was laced with anger and her eyes were filled with sadness, "you asked me what I was going to do, Brian. How could you ask me something like that?" Her voice was now quiet and her body language was showing signs of defeat, "we're supposed to get married in 3 months…"_

"_We will get married in 3 months, I'm an idiot and I don't think before I speak but Liv, I promise you that I'll do everything I can for you and for our baby." He looked up and took Olivia's hand in his own, their eyes locking as he continued, "I was scared, I still am. What if I'm a terrible father? I've spent so much of my life alone that the thought of me helping to raise a child terrifies me to the bone, what if I screw up?"_

_Olivia's face softened as Brian admitted his fears, "you helped me come out of the darkest period of my life. You're a good man, Brian Cassidy and you'll be an incredible father…"_

"_You really believe that?"_

_A smile crept onto Olivia's face and nodded, "do you remember what you told me when we got home from the hospital after the last Lewis incident?"_

_Brian looked at Olivia and knew exactly what she was talking about, "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this, just kept faith in us and kept faith in love." He said, his lips turning upwards as his own words resonated within him. They would be aright, they are going to do this and they're going to do it well._

"_Yes." She said, sweetly as tears welled in her eyes "you've given me faith and shown me light when I didn't think it was possible, it's time for me to do that for you. Do you have faith in me, in us?"_

"_Always," he said as he leaned in and kissed his fiancée passionately before placing a tender kiss on her still flat abdomen. _

.

The day seemed to progress rather quickly and thankfully Brian hadn't experienced any adverse reactions to the medications that were being administered to him, "Olivia, this is the last dose of medication we'll be giving Brian," Dr. Flores said as she stood at Brian's bedside, "we don't know how long it's going to take for him to wake up or how he's going to react once he is awake…"

Olivia nodded, having heard all the possible outcomes more times than she could count she was ready to have the answers she's been waiting for, "I know. I'm ready for whatever comes my way." She watched as Dr. Flores administered the last bit of medication into his IV pump and moved away so Olivia could be with him, she walked to his head side and ran her hands through his hair before bending over and whispering "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this, just keep faith in us and keep faith in love."

.

Olivia was unsure of how much time had passed since Dr. Flores had given Brian the last dose of medication, but she waited patiently and with unwavering faith for Brian to show a sign of recovery. The room was quiet aside from the steady beeping of the machines that were monitoring Brian's vitals, Olivia sat beside Brian with her head on the bed he occupied and her hand wrapped around her husband's as she waited for some sort of response from him. Her head shot up when she thought she felt Brian's hand move slightly in her own, the movement was light, so light that she almost didn't believe it until she looked up. Tears started trickling down her cheeks as she looked up and saw his closed eyes blinking, as if they were going to open any minute.

They did.

Brian's eyes opened slowly and immediately his hazel eyes found Olivia's deep brown eyes, their eyes stayed locked for a few seconds before Brian's attention was changed to the white room he was in. His eyes quickly examined the room and he looked back at Olivia, "Liv?" his voice was hoarse and groggy and he immediately began coughing.

Without skipping a beat, Olivia was standing beside her husband with a cup of water for him to drink. She could see the confusion in his face and she wanted to be the one to tell him what happened, she smiled with tears in her eyes and she stroked his jaw before placing a soft kiss on his forehead, "you were in an accident, Bri, you're at Mercy, you've been here for just over two weeks…"

Brian nodded at Olivia and eventually turned his attention to the woman standing behind his wife, the woman in the white jacket. "Brian, my name is Dr. Flores and I'm the lead neurologist on your case. I'm going to ask you a series of questions and then we'll take you down to get some tests done, okay?"

Olivia watched as Brian nodded in agreement. She watched as he struggled to complete a few physical tasks but smiled when he was able to answer all of the doctor's questions before Dr. Flores took Brian to have a scans done.

.

"Thank you so much, Nyla. I appreciate the extra help more than you know… Give Henry a goodnight kiss for me and tell him I'll see him in the morning… I'll see you later, thank you." Olivia hung up the phone and smiled as she saw Brian's bed being wheeled back toward his room.

Once the bed was put back in its spot the room the nurse looked up at Olivia and Brian and smiled, "Dr. Flores should be up shortly with the test results. I'll leave you two alone."

"Hey" Brian said as he smiled at his wife, "I love you."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes as she walked toward his bed. She sat down gently beside him and placed his hand in her lap before leaning down and kissing him. Their lips moved together slowly, both of them cherishing the moment they shared, a moment that Olivia wasn't sure she would've gotten. They broke their kiss only when they both needed air, and Olivia placed her hand along her husband's jaw as she smiled down at him, "I love you too, Brian."

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	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I wanna take a moment to say a huge thank you to everyone who has followed/fav'd and reviewed this fic both here and on twitter it means so much to me that you're all enjoying it! I'm sorry it took so long to update, I've been super busy with life. I hope you all enjoy it, xox. **

**Imani, Erica, Fiona, Diana &amp; Sara, you guys constantly told me you wanted more so here ya go. **

**All usual disclaimers apply and like the other chapters everything italicized is a flashback. **

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"We really need to stop having these moments with one of us in a hospital bed," Brian chuckled as he looked up at his wife tiredly, a stifled yawn escaping his lips a few moments later.

"But if we don't have these moments then I won't have an excuse to play nurse and we both know you won't let me take care of you any other time." A small smile spread across her lips as she thought about all the times Brian had been sick throughout their time together. He always refused to allow her to take of him insisting he was well enough to do it on his own, even when he couldn't.

"Ah yes, I have my very own modern day Florence Nightingale. How could I forget? I'm a lucky man." Brian winked at his wife, his face flooded with joy and ease as their eyes met.

Olivia couldn't help the smile that grew on her face at the sight of the sparkle in Brian's eyes as he referred to her as "Florence Nightingale," a reminder of the night that finally brought them back together 5 years ago. A night that she had always wished she'd never have to relive became a night that turned out to be too known to her.

Brian could see the pain clouding in Olivia's eyes, it was the same look he had seem too many times when she thought about the night he had been shot, about Lewis. He needed to get her attention away from the negative, at least for a little while, "Liv?" he called gently, calmly bringing her out of her thought induced silence,

"Yeah, Bri?"

"Do you think we could give Henry a call?"

A huge smile spread across Olivia's face at the mention of her son, she knew how much Henry missed his father and she knew how happy it would make him to hear from him, "of course we can, Bri. He'd love that," she said as she pulled her cellphone out of her purse and quickly dialed their number. She engaged in small talk with Nyla before asking that she put Henry on the phone. "Hey buddy, how you are?" she asked calmly, smiling when he joyfully told her all about the day he's had, and what he had for dinner, "there's someone who wants to talk to you." Olivia put the phone on speaker and smiled, "you ready, pal?"

"Yeah!" Henry exclaimed obviously excited for whatever was coming his way.

Olivia looked at her husband and nodded before Brian finally spoke,"hey, champ! How's daddy's favourite guy?"

"Daddy!" Henry squealed, "I missed you so much daddy! When are you coming home? Did mommy tell you that I told her to tell you to wake up because I did daddy! I told mommy to tell you to wake up!"

Brian smiled as he listened to his son talk, the excitement in his voice growing with every word, his words flying at a pace that his little mouth could barely keep up with, "woah, slow down there, pal" he said as he chuckled quietly, before looking up at his wife who was beaming with joy and who's eyes were sparkling with bliss, "what have you been up to when Daddy was sleeping? Were you good for momma?"

"Huh uh. I took your old police badge to show and tell and I remembered without momma having to tell me it was show and tell day!"

"Woah! You remembered all by yourself? You're such a big boy!" Brian smiled when he heard Henry's little laugh on the other end of the phone. He was surprised and intrigued by Henry's choice to take his old badge to school so he decided he'd ask, "You took my old badge? What did you say about it?"

"I told them that it was my daddy's and that I would have my own one day because I'm gonna grow up and be a cop like you and momma!"

Brian and Olivia looked at each other and smiled at Henry's words, this was the first time he mentioned that he wanted to be a police officer and although he was only four years old and would probably change his mind in a few months to something cooler, like a rock star or astronaut, they couldn't help but swell with pride at his inclining to be like his parents.

Olivia sat quietly as Brian continued his conversation with Henry and she smiled as she watched his face relax before her. Every word that was exchanged between father and son seemed to help calm her husband.

She breathed in deeply, basking in this moment, it may not have been a perfect moment but it was better than some of the last phone calls she'd received recently.

.

_Olivia tumbled through her purse searching for the device she could hear vibrating, she grabbed it and quickly lowered the volume on the television causing her to receive an angry glare from Henry before he turned it up a little bit more, "Benson," she answered before checking the caller ID, trying her hardest not to miss the call._

"_Olivia, its Tucker" _

_Olivia rolled her eyes when she heard the voice on the other side of the receiver, she had the day off and the last thing she wanted to deal with was IAB calling her to help with a case, or worse, having to hear that one of her squad members were being investigated, "what do you want Tucker?" she asked exasperated; if Ed Tucker was calling her on her day off she knew she wasn't getting out of whatever it was that he needed._

"_Olivia…." Tucker inhaled sharply as if he was choosing his words carefully, "its Cassidy. There's been an accident…"_

"_Brian?" Olivia asked breathlessly, her body frozen in its spot "What do you mean there's been an accident? Where is he? Is he okay?"_

"_He's at Mercy. I don't know the extent of his injuries, no one's telling me anything because I'm not his emergency contact or next of kin, he's in surgery right now…"_

"_What the hell happened? We were just eating breakfast together with Henry a few hours ago before you called him in..." she muttered in shock, quickly walking toward her bedroom so Henry wouldn't hear the conversation she was currently having, "Tucker!" she demanded when the other line was quiet, "what the hell happened to my husband? Why is he in surgery?"_

"_He was about to close the case he'd been working for a few weeks, a cop from the 34__th__, Officer Jesse Howards, was involved with an illegal drug ring. He was working with a drug lord that Narcs were watching for a few years, when Cassidy and Briggs tried to stop him to ask him a few questions he didn't get out of his car; instead he put the car in drive, pressed on the gas and hit Cassidy…"_

"_He only hit Brian? What about Ethan?" Olivia knew it was selfish of her to wish that Brian wasn't the only one hurt but she couldn't help herself in that moment._

"_Cassidy pushed Briggs out of the way; he was able to call for backup and an ambulance for Cassidy…"_

"_Oh my God" was all she could mutter. She sat down on the edge of the large bed and closed her eyes, hoping that maybe none of this was real. "I'll call the sitter and I'll be over as soon as I can…"_

_Olivia listened as Tucker sighed loudly, his usual sarcastic tone replaced by one of hurt, guilt and sadness, "I'm so sorry, Olivia."_

_._

_Olivia rushed through the doors of Mercy, running to the receptionist's desk, a young blonde woman was typing something at the computer in front of her, "Detective Brian Cassidy was brought in here recently, where is he?" she asked, not waiting for the woman to get a chance to acknowledge her presence. _

"_May I ask who you are? We aren't authorized to give any patient information to anyone who isn't immediate family" the young blonde said smiling at Olivia._

"_Sergeant Olivia Benson, I'm his wife." Olivia said through gritted teeth, she couldn't deal with how happy the younger blonde seemed while she was unsure of her husband's condition, "where is he?" she asked again, this time more forcefully than she meant. _

_The smile faded from the blonde's face once Olivia introduced herself, she gave Olivia s quick nod before looking at her computer screen, "your husband is still in surgery, I'll page them to let them know you've arrived and hopefully someone will be up with some information on your husband shortly. You can have a seat in the waiting room; there are already a few people there waiting for updates on your husband."_

_Olivia walked through the quiet halls of Mercy until she spotted Ed Tucker and Brian's partner, Ethan Briggs. Once they noticed her walking toward them they both stood up to greet her and they smiled sadly at her, Ethan pulled her into a hug and broke his silence as soon as they separated. His eyes darted to his hands, as he spoke nervously, "Olivia, I'm so sorry… if he hadn't pushed me out of the way…"_

"_Ethan, no. Don't blame yourself. You would've done the same thing; Brian wasn't going to let anything happen to you, especially now that your wife's pregnant."_

"_I know. I just feel so guilty. I should've been hit too but he pushed me out of the way, risking his own life to save mine." Ethan inhaled sharply as he ran his hand over his tired face, "he's in there fighting for his life so that I could be okay. So my unborn child won't be without a father. What about you, and Henry?" he asked, his eyes and voice both laced with guilt as he took a seat in the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room of Mercy's surgical floor. _

_Olivia allowed Ethan's words to sink in, deep down she was a little upset that her husband was currently laying on an operating table while Ethan sat in front of her, alive, well and unharmed but she also knew that she would've done the same thing for Nick, or even Elliot. She sat down beside Ethan and put her head in her hands, saying a silent prayer to whichever god was willing to listen to her, begging for her husband to come out of this alive and well. _

_._

_Time seemed to be moving at a sluggish pace, Olivia adjusted her body in the large chair she was sitting in and looked around the waiting room. There was a woman reading a celebrity magazine who looked calm and together and another family of 3. The child seemed to be growing impatient with every passing moment and the adults looked lost in thought while trying to calm the little girl down "Ashley, you need to calm down, we have to wait for the doctor to tell us how your sister is."_

_Olivia's eyes shut tightly as thoughts of Henry flew through her mind. What was she going to tell him? How would he react? The fear she felt for Henry was much higher than the fear she felt for herself, she knew that she'd find a way to deal with it, but Henry? He's just a child; he shouldn't have to deal with this pain. Suddenly the calm demeanor that Olivia fought to keep crumbled._

_She was crying._

_She was scared._

.

"Hey," Brian's voice was quiet and broke Olivia's train of thought. He lifted a few of his fingers signaling for Olivia to take his hand. She did. "it's okay, I'm okay. I got through the hard part, Liv." His voice was soft, calm and reassuring, he wasn't entirely sure he believed himself but at this exact moment he needed his wife to believe him.

Olivia tilted her head and looked at her husband, he knew her better than she knew herself. He could always tell when she was lost in thoughts that would cause her pain. Thoughts that took her back to a place she didn't need to be, "you're incredible, you know that right?"

"Yeah. I know." He said with the boyish grin she loved so much.

Olivia sat with Brian's hand wrapped in her own, basking in the comfortable silence that surrounded them. She looked over at him and smiled when she saw him struggling to keep his eyes open. She ran a hand through his messy hair and placed a kiss on his cheek, "it's okay Brian, go to sleep. I'll wake you when Dr. Flores returns with your test results."

Brian allowed himself to close his eyes and within a few minutes the sounds of his quiet snores filled the small hospital room.

A sad smile spread across Olivia's face as she stared at her husband's sleeping form. She watched in silence as her husband's chest rose and fell with every breath, wishing she could do more for him. Brian had always been the strongest man she'd ever know, and now, no matter how much he tried to cover it up, she knew he was in pain and afraid. In more pain than he'd allow himself to admit, more fear than he'd show.

.

About 30 minutes later Olivia heard a quiet knock on the door and Dr. Flores entered quietly, a chart tucked beneath her arm as she smiled at Olivia.

Olivia leaned over and quietly called her husband's name, waking him slowly. She watched as his eyes fluttered open and he quickly took in his surrounds, reminding himself where he was.

"How are you feeling, Brian?" Dr. Flores made her way to the head of the bed and pulled out a small pocket-sized flashlight and began a quick neurological exam.

Olivia watched as her husband followed the light that was being shone into his face, the pen that was being moved in front of his eyes and listened intently as Dr. Flores asked Brian a series of questions, to which he answered all correctly and without any issues. She breathed a sigh of relief watching Brian ease through the first half of the neurological exam but they weren't as lucky when Dr. Flores continued on with the test.

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	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry for taking so long to update this, life got busy and I got lazy. I don't even know if anyone aside from Imani is even reading this anymore but if you are, let me know what you think either here or on twitter SpearsFan55 (I should totally change my name but I'm lazy so it stays for now). This story is winding down, there's probably another chapter or two before it comes to an end if I can get my thoughts out without being a huge rambling mess, if I can't be concise than three max and we won't know until I write and post the final chapter because I'm very indecisive.**

**Oh, Diana, I got it up and updated so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! xox**

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"Brian, lift your left leg and wiggle your toes please. Great, now raise your left arm and move your fingers. Wonderful. Now, do the same thing with your right foot and hand."

Olivia looked on in fear when she noticed that Brian was struggling to do raise his right foot and wiggle his toes on that foot.

"Dr. Flores, what does this mean? Why is it so hard to raise my foot and move my toes?" Brian's voice was laced with fear and Olivia was immediately at his side, tears welling up in her eyes as she gripped his hand in his and waited for Dr. Flores to explain what was happening with her husband.

Dr. Flores quickly jotted notes into Brian's file before she explained they next steps they would need to take for his recovery, "we'll have to run a few more tests to see what's going on but this isn't uncommon, Brian. Once we have the test results back we can get you more information on your condition and your prognosis. I'll have someone to bring you downstairs in a little bit."

Brian nodded his head at Dr. Flores before he looked at Olivia who was fighting back tears. He squeezed her hand reassuringly and smiled sadly at his wife. His smile didn't reach his eyes, and his voice was not entirely convincing to himself but he hoped Olivia didn't notice, "it's okay, Liv, it's okay."

"How do you know Bri? How can you be so sure?"

Brian looked at his wife, and smiled once again, this time his smiled reached his eyes, and there was genuine hope in his voice "because Liv, we'll always get through whatever is thrown our way. It's what we do."

Olivia's cupped Brian's cheek in her hand and smiled sadly as a tear rolled down her cheek, "I love you."

"I love you to, Liv. Don't worry, Baby, we'll get through this, we always do," Brian patted the side of bed, signaling for Olivia to join him.

She took a seat on the bed next to him and gently placed his hand in her lap and began tracing soothing circles into the back of his palm as her eyes darted from the bed to the floor and finally back to Brian's face, "I was so scared that I was going to lose you again, Bri… I don't know what I would've done or how I would've told Henry…" her words came out rushed and tears were streaming down her face. Her thoughts taking her to the worst place they could possibly take her.

"Hey," his voice was soft as he squeezed Olivia's hand gently, bringing her back to the here and now. Once her eyes landed on his he released her hand and rubbed her cheek in his palm across her cheek, "I'm right here, Liv. I promised to never leave you and I plan on keeping that promise. You and Henry are everything to me and I wasn't going to give up on you two so easily, now I need you to not give up on me, okay?"

Olivia smiled as she moved her cheek a little in his palm before planting a kiss in it, "Of course."

.

Brian and Olivia sat in silence, cherishing just having each other close when they heard a gentle knock on Brian's door and Brian's nurse for the day popped her head in, "sorry to interrupt but Dr. Flores is ready for you, Brian." She continued to explain the tests that they would be running on Brian and explained to Olivia that the tests could take a while and advised that she go to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat.

Olivia squeezed Brian's hand and placed a tender kiss on it before the nurse wheeled him out of the room. She looked around the room that had become too familiar to her in the days following Brian's accident and smiled when she realized it was no longer the room that she dreaded entering because she wasn't sure if she'd be a widow when she left but it was now where she can go to have a conversation with her husband, hold his hand and relish in the joy of having him with her.

Olivia used her time to call Nick and update him on Brian's condition, while their relationship was rocky at first after spending two weeks at Brian and Olivia's apartment and seeing the love that radiated for Olivia from Brian, he warmed up to Brian and the idea of the relationship. They were able to put all their differences aside when Olivia became pregnant. Brian knew he could trust Nick to ensure that no harm came to Olivia or their baby when she was at work and Nick knew the same of Brian.

Once Nick was up to date she hung up and made the call she dreaded. She knew she had to make this call but she also wished she could've given Brian a few more moments of solitude. She looked through her contacts and stopped when she reached the name she was looking for. Her finger hovered over the name for a few seconds before she finally placed the call.

She inhaled deeply when she heard that the voice on the other end of the call, "Tucker."

"Tucker, hi it's Benson," Olivia stood up and walked toward the large window, quickly gazing out at the dark street before she continued, "I'm sorry to call you so late…"

"No, no. It's not a problem. Is everything okay? Has there been an update in Brian's condition?"

"Actually, that's why I'm calling you. He's awake and responsive. Overall he seems to be neurologically intact but there seems to be some physical issues. They're currently running tests on him and he likely won't be finished for a few hours and even once they're complete they likely won't have the results until sometime tomorrow…" Olivia's words were coming out fast and urgent, she wanted to get her husband's lieutenant the information he needed as quickly as she could but she also wanted him to understand that he likely wasn't up for questioning, not yet at least.

"Thank you for the update Olivia, when you get any more information, please let me know. "Send Cassidy my best and let him know that everyone down at IAB is rooting for him." The lieutenant's voice was calm and reminiscent of when he called to break the news of the accident to Olivia, "I won't send someone out to question him just yet but I'm going to have to do it, soon. We need to make sure Howards is put away for this and I don't want there to be anything getting in the way of that and I know you don't either."

"I know, I just don't know if he's ready yet…"

Tucker sighed before he thanked Olivia once more for the updated information, before they ended the call. Olivia sat back down in the large chair beside the empty spot in the room where Brian's bed would be once his tests are complete; she closed her eyes and allowed herself to sleep for a few minutes before she heard the door open.

"Hey," she said smiling as Brian's bed was rolled back into its spot in the room, a yawn escaping her lips. It had been too long since she allowed herself to sleep peacefully, her dreams were always plagued with thoughts of Brian, images of him lying in a hospital bed, alone and hooked up to machines while she was at home, warm and comfortable in their bed.

Brian looked at his wife and he studied her face briefly and frowned when he realized how tired she looked but he wasn't surprised by this, Olivia always put everyone else before herself and he knew she wouldn't sleep well if she didn't know how he was doing. "Liv," his voice was quiet and caring as he reached out his hand for her to take, "go home. Get some rest, you look exhausted. Go home to our son and give him a hug and a kiss for me and tell him that I miss him and that I'm going to be home soon."

Olivia looked up at Brian, her face was full of concern and worry but before she could say anything or object he cut her off, "Babe, I'm fine. I promise. Go home." He smirked at her as he spoke his next words, "Olivia, for once in your life, take care of yourself."

Olivia chucked hearing Brian use the advice she gave him nearly five years prior against her, her smile grew when she looked down and noticed the twinkle in his eye and the boyish grin she loved so much spread across his face. "Okay," she said as she stood up. She placed her hand gently on his chest before leaning over and planting a tender kiss on Brian's lips, "I love you, Bri. Sleep well."

"I love you too, Liv."

.

Olivia opened the door to her apartment and her heart filled with joy at the sound of Henry's laughter, he looked up from his spot at the kitchen table next to Nyla and smiled brightly at Olivia before running to her and jumping into her arms, "Mommy! I missed you so much!" Her heart swelled not from what Henry said but how he said it, there was a sense of joy in his voice that she hadn't heard since he realized that something was wrong, since realizing that his dad wasn't home.

"I've missed you so much as well my little man!" Olivia picked him up and kissed him on the cheek, her smile grew wider as he laughed and wrapped his arms tightly around her neck, "what did you and Nyla do tonight, Pal?" she asked as she put him down gently and tousled his hair a little.

Henry looked over at Nyla who was smiling brightly at the interaction between Olivia and Noah. Olivia had been so stressed since Brian's accident and she seemed so much calmer now that Brian was awake and Nyla couldn't have been happier for them. "Show her, Henry," Nyla chimed in looking at Henry as she handed him a folded piece of paper.

"We made daddy cards and drawings."

"You did?" Olivia smiled at Henry then looked over at Nyla and smiled graciously at her, thankful that Henry had someone who cared for him as deeply as Nyla did looking out for him when she and Brian couldn't. She smiled as she bent down to be at eye level with her son, "can I see them?"

Henry nodded and handed Olivia the card he made, she felt tears trickle down her cheek as soon as she looked at the card "I love you daddy" was written on the front with a picture of two people labeled "Henry" and "daddy". Henry looked at his mother with confused eyes when he noticed the tears that were falling down her cheeks, "you don't like it momma?" His voice was quiet and began to quiver as tears began to pool in his hazel eyes.

"I love it baby and Daddy will love it too."

"But you're crying…"

"They're happy tears," Olivia cupped Henry's chin in her thumb and forefinger before pulling him into her and kissing him on the cheek and tickling him and the sound of his laughter brought more joy to her than she could've ever imagined feeling after Brian's accident. "Alright kid, it's almost bedtime. Say goodnight to Nyla and go brush your teeth and put your pjs on. I'll be in your room to tuck you in when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay." Henry ran to Nyla and wrapped his arms around her, "night Nyla! Thanks for being fun!"

Both Nyla and Olivia chuckled at Henry's words but Olivia stood back and watched the momentary interaction between Henry and Nyla, "it was my pleasure, Henry! You know I can never say no to you, my little man," she smiled at him before she planted a tender kiss on his cheek, "sweet dreams!"

Henry blushed at Nyla's words and giggled before running off to the bathroom leaving Olivia and Nyla alone. Olivia took a seat at the breakfast bar and looked over at Nyla, "I don't even know how to thank you for your help."

"Liv, it's no problem. You don't need to thank me. You and Brian have been nothing but incredible to me and I love Henry and I love spending time with him." Nyla smiled warmly at Olivia, "he's an incredible kid. He's so bright for his age; you and Brian have so much to be proud of, Olivia. I gotta get going but send Brian my best and tell him I'm rooting for him and please, keep me posted."

Olivia followed Nyla toward the door and smiled sweetly, "I will. Thank you so much, Nyla."

"I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, Nyla." Olivia shut the door and inhaled deeply as Nyla's words replayed in her head, _he's an incredible kid. He's so bright for his age; you and Brian have so much to be proud of_ and her heart swelled. She never imagined that she would've had the chance to be a mother but she was and she nothing fulfilled her more than being a mother to her son.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Henry's voice calling for her from his room, "mommy! I'm ready!"

.

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and she smiled as she looked over at the clock on her night table, 7:00am. It was the first time since Brian's accident that she was able to sleep through the night and she was grateful but the trivial joy of sleeping through a night was pushed aside as she realized that they would likely find out just what was the issue with Brian's leg and foot. She laid in bed a little while longer, trying to bask in the calm before the possible storm but no matter how hard she tried her mind kept running over possible situations that could be causing Brian's issues and each time she came up with something it seemed to be worse than the previous. Frustrated with herself, Olivia threw the duvet off her body and her legs over the edge of the bed before quickly jumping in the shower.

Olivia emerged from the bathroom 30 minutes later fully dressed and ready for her day, she woke Henry and got his bath ready for him before rushing off to make breakfast for them, stopping momentarily to peek in on Henry and to tell him that he had to get out to get dressed for school.

Breakfast was quiet and Olivia sat back and watched her son in awe, he wasn't doing anything extraordinary but that didn't matter to her. Everything he did was incredible to her; the little quirks he picked up from both Olivia and Brian made her chuckle but watching him grow into his own person was exquisite to her. He was as stubborn as his mother but as receptive other's feeling as his father.

.

Olivia walked the halls of Mercy and made her way to Brian's room; she placed her hand on the door knob and inhaled deeply, trying her best to keep her composure. She opened the door slowly and smiled when she saw that Brian was still asleep. She maneuvered the room quietly trying to best not to wake him before she sat down in the chair beside his bed.

Brian shifted in the bed and his eyes slowly opened, "morning" he said groggily, his eyes still partially shut which caused Olivia to chuckle.

"Morning, Bri" she leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on his kips, "how you feeling?"

"Not too bad considering where I am."

"Well, maybe this will make you feel better," a smile spread across her face as she handed him the drawing Henry made for him with Nyla.

Brian's face lit up and his eyes softened as he stared at the piece of paper that his wife just handed him, "how is he?"

"He's good, Bri. He's growing like a weed but he's amazing and he misses you…"

"I miss him too, how about you bring him by after school?"

Olivia smiled widely at the idea knowing just how much Henry missed Brian she knew he'd be excited to him, "he'd like that."

Olivia and Brian sat and chatted for a few hours before they heard a knock at the door. Olivia looked over at Brian knowing that this was it; it was most likely Dr. Flores with the test results.

Brian smiled at Olivia and reached out his hand for her to take, while Olivia has always been the strongest person he's ever known she also worried other's more than she worried for herself and he knew that the uncertainty of his situation was killing her. He rasied their intertwined fingers to his lips and placed a tender kiss on her knuckles before turning his attention back to the door, "come in."

Dr. Flores opened the door slowly, smiling at Olivia and Brian, "Good morning Sergeant. Good Morning Brian. How are you feeling today?"

"I have a little bit of a headache, but aside from that, not too bad."

"Okay, I'll get a nurse in to get you something for the headache." She walked around the bed and ran other quick neuro test, to ensure that there were no changes overnight. When she was finished she continued with what she initially came in for, "the results from your tests are back…"

.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I'm so sorry for how long it's taken me to update this, I've been super busy with school and work and life in general and I had kind of lost my Benisdy muse for a while. I'm so sorry if this is crap, I tried. Anyways, reviews are cool, so let me know what you think either here or on twitter SpearsFan55. Xox**

**Usual disclaimers apply, Dick Wolf owns everything and the italicized bit is a flashback**

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Olivia looked at Brian nervously as she tried to prepare herself for what Dr. Flores was about to say. She smiled when she felt him gently squeeze her hand; somehow he was still trying to keep her calm, to reassure her when she should've been the one who was helping him.

"There seems to be some extensive nerve damage throughout your legs, we will have to go in surgically to attempt to repair them with the use of a graft…"

Olivia listened intently as Dr. Flores explained to both she and Brian the procedure that would be needed in order to repair the damage, the success rates of the surgery, and she felt her stomach tighten as Dr. Flores went on to further explain the possible complications and risks associated with not just the surgery Brian needed, but all surgeries.

"…once the surgery is complete, you will need extensive rehab and physical therapy to strengthen the damaged nerves and muscles and to get you back up on your feet but by the end of it all you should be back to nearly 100 per cent," she smiled, "I'm going to aim to have the surgery before the end of the week so the muscles in your legs don't weaken more than they already have." Dr. Flores smiled as she tucked Brian's file under her elbow, "before I book the surgery do either of you have any questions or concerns about the procedure?"

Brian and Olivia both shook their heads and smiled at Dr. Flores, thankful that the outcome wasn't worse, but it was Brian who spoke first, "I think we're okay. Thank you, Dr. Flores."

"It's not a problem, Brian. If either of you have any questions from now until the moment the procedure occurs, be sure to ask someone." Dr. Flores smiled at Brian and Olivia as she exited the room.

The room fell into silence after Dr. Flores left, neither sure of what to say. Brian looked over at his wife and he couldn't help but frown when he noticed the look of fear that was spread on her face, "hey," his raspy voice was filled with concern, "come here." He patted the bed and Olivia sat down beside him. He felt his heart break a little when he saw the fresh tears welling in her eyes and he reached over and pulled her into an embrace and placing a tender kiss in her hair, "it's going to be okay, Liv. We're going to get through this, we always do."

Olivia breathed in the familiar scent of her husband before pulling herself out of his embrace to look at him; she smiled sweetly when he gently wiped the tear that was rolling down her cheek, "how can you be so calm?" She questioned, "How can you be so sure that everything will be okay?"

"Faith, I guess. It's easier to be hopeful than it is to be angry…" Brian looked at his wife and smirked, "plus if a bullet to the chest couldn't keep me dead, I'm sure a nerve graft won't either."

Olivia chuckled nervously at Brian's joke, she completely unimpressed with his nonchalance about his current health situation. There had already been more complications than she was prepared for and she was worried that this surgery would leave him with more.

For the first time since Brian woke up, the room fell into an uncomfortable silence. Olivia could tell that Brian was considering saying something that could upset her, his eyes darted around the room uncomfortably and his hand moved to the back of his neck and it was obvious that he was trying to figure out how to say what was on his mind. Finally, he broke the silence that overtook the room, "I'm going to call Tucker. Tell him he can stop by in the morning…"

"Bri…" Olivia's voice was stern but pleading, she knew he had to talk to IAB about what happened but she wanted him to wait until he was at least a little better.

"Liv, I need to. They need my statement and I'd rather they have it before the next surgery. Tucker's been patient with me and I don't want to take advantage of that... "

"He doesn't mind waiting a little while longer, please, don't rush it."

Brian reached for Olivia's hand and squeezed it gently, "Liv, look at me," he waited until Olivia's eyes reached his and he gently raised her hand to his lips and placed a tender kiss to the back of her hand, "I'm okay and if at any point while talking to Tucker I feel overwhelmed I'll stop the interview. If I need a break, I'll let Tucker know, but Liv, this has to get done and it's better that we get it out of the way sooner than later."

Olivia inhaled deeply as she allowed Brian's words to be processed. As much as she wished he wouldn't push himself emotionally she knew that he was right, that it was important that Tucker got his story as early as possible. She nodded at Brian and whispered into the stillness of the room, "okay, call him."

.

Olivia stood in front of her apartment, rummaging through her bag for her keys, cursing herself for throwing them back in there after locking her car door when she heard the sound of Henry's laughter from outside the door. Instantly, the frustration associated with learning about Brian's next surgery, his nonchalance about it and his insistence to talk to IAB eased and a feeling of ease washed over her.

She opened the door and smiled at the sight of Henry sitting beneath a fort he made out of blankets and the couch cushions while watching Wreck it Ralph. She instantly kicked off her shoes and placed her bag down before joining her son on the floor.

"Mommy!" Henry wrapped his arms around Olivia's neck and squeezed her tightly, "I missed you so much mommy!"

Olivia couldn't help but smile back at Henry, his smile was infectious and his hazel eyes were filled with such joy.

She smiled as she watched Henry grin, his eyes jumping back and forth between the television and her. And for a moment she imagined what life would be like as a child, what it would be like to feel such love and joy at life's simplest pleasures but it wasn't long before his eyes met hers again and her smile faded. His eyes no longer looked at her with joy and excitement, but with worry and fear, "Momma?" His already little voice was quiet and barely audible, "I miss daddy."

Olivia's heart broke at her son's statement; she wished he didn't have to live through this, it was hard enough for her, and she couldn't fathom trying to understand all of this at the age of 5. "I know you do, baby and I promise you'll see him soon, okay?"

Henry nodded his head in agreement but it wasn't until Olivia spoke again did the smile return to his face, "how about we give him a call? What do you say?"

"Yeah!"

.

Olivia stepped out of the shower and pulled her robe tightly around her body as she made her way into her bedroom. She stood still for a moment, stopping to look around; her eyes fell on the picture of her and Brian on their wedding day that sat on the night table on Brian's side of the bed. She sat down and lifted the framed picture, her thumbs gently rubbing away the dust that accumulated on the metal frame. She studied their faces and smiled, she was grinning from ear to ear, the joy on her face was obvious and Brian stood beside her, smiling widely, but his eyes were locked on her and not the camera.

"_Congratulations you guys, I'm so happy for you," Amanda's words were short but genuine and the smile on her face grew with every moment that passed, "everything went beautifully."_

"_Of course it did," Brian said with a cheeky grin, "I married the most beautiful woman in the world, it would be impossible for this day to have not gone beautifully. Liv can make a paper bag look good."_

_Olivia felt a blush creep onto her face and she smiled back at Brian._

"_You do know it's your wedding night and you're pretty much guaranteed to get laid without the ass kissing, right Cassidy?" _

_Brian and Olivia both laughed at Fin's words as he came over to say his congratulations, he smiled at Olivia and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "he's right though Liv, you look amazing. And you," he said as he shifted his gaze toward Brian, "you clean up well, man. Munch wasn't lying when he said you actually looked presentable when you tried. You're a lucky man, Cassidy. Take care of her."_

_Brian placed his arm around Olivia's waist and pulled her close, he smiled when he felt her body melt into his. He nodded his head and smiled at Fin, "I will, man. Don't worry." He looked down at Olivia who was staring at him, smiling, he leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her forehead and whispered I love you, loud enough for just Olivia to hear._

"_Alright you two," Amanda's voice perked up again, "smile" she said as she raised her phone to take a picture of the newlyweds. She smiled brightly once the photo was taken, and showed it to Brian and Olivia, "you two should've hired me to be your photographer." _

_A smile spread across Olivia's lips as she saw the picture, Brian's eyes were gleaming as he stared at her, and she could barely recognize herself with the happiness written on her face, "do you think we could get a copy of that?"_

"_I'll get it for you when you're back from the honeymoon. My sergeant didn't give me any time off this week so I didn't get to buy ya'll a wedding gift, so this'll have to do" she joked before stepping away so Brian and Olivia could spend some time with the rest of their guests._

.

Olivia felt a tears welling up in her eyes as she put the framed photo down, she looked around the large room once more and sighed heavily. She wanted nothing more than to climb into her bed, and cuddle in next to her husband but she knew that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

She stood up and tiredly walked toward the large, shared walk-in-closet and pulled one of Brian's sweaters off the hanger and wrapped herself in it, basking in his scent, and relishing in the feel of the soft material against her bare skin.

Quietly, she made her way to the living room, stopping briefly for to poke her head into Henry's room. She watched him sleep peacefully for a few minutes before she continued down the short hallway and sat on the sofa, staring at the pile of laundry that needed to be folded. She gently rubbed her palms across her face and sighed, there was so much that needed to get done and so little time. Since the accident she's spent the majority of her time at the hospital, she was almost sure Henry was beginning to believe that Nyla was going to adopt him with the amount of time they spent together.

She reminded herself that it was time to give Nyla a raise, or at least get her something very nice for her upcoming birthday. She glanced at the clock and yawned, it was only 10:30 but still she was exhausted. She began folding the pile of laundry that sat beside her and decided that she would pack it all away sometime in the morning after she returned home from dropping Henry off to school.

.

Morning seemed to come far too quickly for Olivia as she stretched her tired muscles and reached over to turn off her alarm. She had 40 minutes to get showered and prepare breakfast before it was time to get Henry up and ready for the day. She hopped into the shower quickly and threw on a pair of dark wash jeans and a knit sweater; she padded quietly to the kitchen and began preparing breakfast for she and Henry, she decided to treat him to his favorite, French toast.

Before she woke Henry, she sent Brian a text and surprisingly, he replied within a few minutes explaining to her that he expected Tucker's arrival "any minute now." She shook her head in disbelief at Ed Tucker, she had specifically told him that Brian wasn't up for the interview and yet, he was ready to take statements and make her husband relive one of the most traumatic experiences of life before 8am.

Olivia dropped Henry off to school and returned home, Brian had texted her when Tucker got there and told her that he'd let her know when he was done so she decided to tidy up a little. Ensuring she had a spotless house was the last thing on Olivia's mind recently and she realized just how lucky she was to have Nyla, her job may have been to watch Henry when she was out but she always took everything a step farther. Whenever she got home there were never dishes in the sink and Henry's toys were always packed away neatly.

She looked around the small apartment and couldn't quite figure out where to start, as much as Nyla had helped her, there was still so much to be done. The floors needed to be mopped, windows needed to be wiped and furniture needed to be polished and she immediately missed Brian. She missed Brian and the way he used to mop the floors right after she's swept, or the way he'd always wipe the windows because he was always worried she'd manage to fall while trying to reach one of the high windows.

Still, she rolled up her sleeves and got to work.

.

A few hours had passed since Olivia dropped Henry off to school and she tidied the apartment but still, she hadn't heard from Brian. She began to worry, and hoped that he wasn't pushing himself too much to remember exactly what happened to him, hoped that Tucker wasn't pushing him too hard. She had been on the opposite ends of Tucker's questions more times than she'd like and it was never easy. He covered all his bases, and often didn't care how re-traumatizing the interviews could be.

Olivia dozed off on the sofa and woke up to the soft vibrating of her cell phone; she quickly answered and breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the voice on the opposite end of the phone, "hey beautiful, did I wake you?"

"Bri, hey," Olivia tried to shake the sleep out of her voice but she knew Brian already heard it. "Yeah, I fell asleep after cleaning, I guess I'm more tired than I realized. Is everything okay? Is Tucker gone?"

"Yeah, everything is fine, he's still here but the interview is over. He's probably going to leave soon but Ethan wants to stop by. Tucker told me he's really beating himself up over what happens, thinks it should've been him instead of me…" Brian's voice trailed off, and Olivia knew he thinking of just how guilty he would've felt if it were his partner laying in a hospital bed, "I don't know how I'd have lived with myself if I wasn't able to get Ethan out of the way, I mean, his wife's pregnant…"

"I know Babe, I know. But you know that if the tables were turned and it was you in the path of that car, Brigg's would've saved you the same way you saved him. It's what partners are for; we have each other's backs…"

Brian and Olivia talked for a few more minutes before he finally cut her off, telling her that Tucker had re-entered the room, they said their goodbyes and Olivia looked at her watch and smiled when she realized she had enough time to shower and pick Henry up from school.

.

Olivia stood outside of gates of Henry's school and she smiled deeply when Henry noticed her, he quickly pointed Olivia out to his teacher before running off in her direction, his arms wrapping around her neck as soon as he was close enough to her. "Hey, buddy. How was school?" she asked, a grin forming on her face as Henry's infectious smile grew.

"It was so fun, mommy." Henry reached for Olivia's hand and she led him to the car, she listened intently as he outlined his day to her, he played in the sandbox with Anthony at recess and colored with Stephanie during arts and crafts. She carefully buckled him into his booster seat and pulled out of the school parking lot and easing into the busy streets of New York.

.

Olivia held Henry's hand tightly as they walked the halls of Mercy together, she hadn't told Brian she was bringing Henry to see him but she knew he would love to see him, but still, she was nervous. Nervous about how Henry would react to Brian laying in a hospital bed, unable to walk. She stopped as they reached Brian's door and knelt down to her son's height, "do you remember what mommy told you?" she asked, hoping that Henry had listened to her when she explained what was happening to Brian to her son to the best of her ability.

"uh huh," he nodded, "daddy isn't feeling good and he has to have an operation on his leg because it's not working."

"That's right, so you need to be careful when you see him, okay?"

"Okay." He said, looking at his mother, with anticipation, "can I see him now?"

"Just one minute, okay?" she knocked on the door and poked her head in, she smiled when she saw Brian look up from the sports magazine he was reading, of course Ethan brought him sports magazines she thought to herself and chuckled.

"Hello beautiful,"

"Hello yourself, handsome. I have a little surprise for you…" Brian looked at Olivia confused and she couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. She turned her attention back to Henry on the other end of the hospital door and nodded to him. She knew Brian still couldn't see him, and she opened the door wider and tears began to well in her eyes when she saw the sheer happiness spread across Brian's face as soon as his eyes landed on Henry.

"Daddy!" he exclaimed as he ran toward to bed

"Hey, buddy," he smiled down at the little boy who was struggling to get onto the bed to sit beside him until Olivia lifted him up and placed him beside Brian, "I've miss you so much pal" he said as he wrapped his arms around his son. Olivia's eyes met Brian's and she was moved by the emotion in his eyes. He mouthed a quick thank you to her before turning his attention back to his son, "you've grown so much, buddy. You've been drinking your milk."

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	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I feel like I've started every chapter of this fic off with some sort of apology and I kind of hate that but I truly am sorry for the delays between chapters, I've been so busy with school and work that I've had little to no time to write. To anyone still keeping up with this fic, I think it should be ending in a chapter or two, but don't hold me to it too much because I tend to end up distracted and taking a longer route of storytelling. Anyways, the usual disclaimers still apply, I don't own SVU or its characters, otherwise Bensidy would still be happy and own their banana holder, xox**

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Olivia ran her hand absent-mindedly through Henry's hair as she sat with her son's sleeping head in her lap. His hair was longer than usual, his curly brown locks started to wrap around her fingers and she made a mental note to book an appointment for him to get a haircut. She smiled when she felt Brian's hand land on top of hers, their fingers intertwining immediately.

"Thank you for bringing him today, Liv. I've missed him."

Olivia looked at Brian and smiled, "you don't need to thank me, Bri. Of course I'd bring him by to see you, he's missed you just as much as you've missed him, and I've missed this" she said, her eyes darting between her son and her husband, "I've missed all of us, together. Happy, like nothing's wrong…"

The room fell into a state of silence, neither knowing what else to say, Brian's thumb grazed Olivia's outer palm, as her hands continued to run through her son's hair, "you know what I miss?" Brian's voice was quiet and his eyes were locked on the wall across from his bed, "I miss waking up on Saturday morning and watching cartoons with Henry, I miss falling asleep with you in my arms. I miss waking up to your hair tickling my face because you somehow always manage to end up on my pillow every morning. God, I'm so sorry to be putting you through this, Liv. You and Henry, I'm so sorry."

"Hey," Olivia's voice was soft and she gently removed her hand out of Brian's and cupped his face, the stubble on his jawline tickling her palm, "you don't get to apologize for this Brian, you didn't do anything. Sure, it's a little hard for Henry and me right now but it's harder for you. You're the one stuck here; you're the one in pain. We both just want you better, and we can't wait to have you home with us but before that can happen, you need to focus on yourself, on getting yourself better. I promise you, you' have nothing to worry about, Henry and I will be fine."

"I love you, you know that?"

Olivia's smile widened as she gently raised her hand from Henry's head to gently cup Brian's face, "I know," she nodded "I love you too, Brian."

.

Olivia stared at the rapidly moving windshield wipers, their pace is almost hypnotizing as she tries to make her way to Mercy, Brian's nerve graft is scheduled for 10am and she wanted to be there before they began prepping him at 9.

She drummed her fingers absent-mindedly over the steering wheel to the soft music on the radio as she sits, unmoving in the morning traffic, the heavily falling rain not helping with the commute, and the heavy, dark grey clouds were not helping with her exhaustion. She reached over to the cup holder and took a long swing of her coffee, thankful that Nyla stopped off at Starbucks before she arrived at the house.

By the time Olivia reaches Brian's hospital room, it's just after 8 and her coffee is already empty. She opens the door quietly and smiles when she sees that he's already awake, "morning," she says as she leans over and places a soft kiss on his lips, allowing her lips to linger for a few seconds before taking a seat on the bed next to him.

"Good morning, beautiful" he says with a smile, as he pushes himself up on the bed so he's sitting, "you're here early."

"I wanted to spend some time with you before they prepped you, but the weather and traffic had other plans for me, I had the pleasure of spending quality time with the car radio," she said as she sat on the bed beside her husband, their fingers finding each other's immediately, their need for comfort, for intimacy, for closeness presenting itself within an instant.

"Everything's going to be okay, Liv." Brian's words are quiet but they're assertive; he's confident and that scares Olivia.

Her eyes meet his and she nods slowly, unsure of what to say, unable to formulate the thoughts in her head. She wished she could be as strong and as confident as her husband, but she can't help but be scared. Scared that she's going to have to go home and break more heartbreaking news to their son, their son who recently started feeling better, safer, happier knowing his father's okay; scared that she's going to have to go back to a life of uncertainty.

"Hey," Brian says, gently pulling her out of her thoughts, "come here," he says as he pats the space beside him on the bed, pulling his wife into his arms the moment she's close enough. He breathes in her smell, the soft scent of her lavender body wash mixed perfectly with the vanilla scent of her shampoo causing his body to calm itself at the homey feeling he gets with her wrapped in his arms, "stop worrying. I'm going to get through this; _we're_ going to get through this. It might be hard but it's going to be okay, I promise."

Olivia swallowed hard, as she allowed tears to roll down her cheek before nodding silently; it seemed no matter how hard she tried to stay strong her attempts were futile. Since she received the call from Tucker telling her about Brian's accident, her life had been flipped upside down, and the Olivia who once felt like the sky was always falling had returned with a vengeance. She seemed to always be waiting for the shoe to drop, for something else to go wrong.

"Liv, babe…" Brian's voice was calm in bringing her out of her thoughts, his hand now gently made their way to her face, wiping the tears that fell down her cheeks. He smiled sadly at Olivia when their eyes met as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

Olivia breathed in deeply and loosened the grip she didn't even know she had on Brian's pajama top, "sorry" she whispered, "I just, I'm scared," she breathes out, her voice wobbling slightly as she wraps her arms around Brian's waist, pulling him closer to her, his fingers immediately tangling in her hair, soothing her.

"I know."

No other words are shared are shared until a nurse walks in to tell Brian they'll be moving him to a preoperative holding area shortly where they'll begin prepping him. He takes Olivia's hand in his and places a gentle kiss on her knuckle, "I love you, it's going to be okay. Don't stress, it's going to take more than a nerve graft to keep me down."

Olivia bites her bottom lip nervously before nodding in agreement, she smiles weakly at her husband as he leans over and kisses him, deeply, passionately, letting all of her fear and anxieties out without speaking. She pulls away slightly, leaving her forehead to rest on his, and they're both breathing heavily, "I love you too." She leans in and places another quick kiss on his lips, a soft kiss, one that reminded of her of the kiss they shared before Brian ran out of the house the day of his accident, a tender kiss that was full of love, which said _forever_ in unspoken words.

.

Olivia sits quietly in the OR waiting room finally allowing herself to get caught up with the novel she's been working on finishing since before her life was flipped upside down. She flipped through the pages of Anthony Doerr's _All the Light We Cannot See _and sporadically checked her watch, it just after 11 and Olivia sighed, closing her book and deciding it was time for another coffee.

Upon her return to the waiting room, Olivia stared idly at the TV screen displaying the news, and found herself thinking about work, she hadn't been in very much recently and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. She missed SVU, she missed her colleagues, her friends but she didn't miss the unpredictable hours, the exhaustion that came with working such emotionally charged cases or not getting to spend time with her family.

She misses the days she got to spend with Henry and Brian after she gave birth, while she was on maternity leave, when things were simpler. At this point, she missed work. The hours may have been slightly unpredictable but they've also been a lot better than they used to be. She missed her son, missed the days that she would just cuddle with him and watch cartoons, when her son wasn't constantly alone with a babysitter,

"_He's going to think Nyla is his mother!" Olivia yelled in a whispered tone, throwing her hands up in defeat, "I'm never around, I don't know if I can do this anymore."_

_Brian looked at his wife skeptically, knowing just how much her job means to her, "Liv, don't be rash; Henry loves you, he lights up every time he hears your voice." Brian's voice was calm, much calmer than Olivia's and he placed his hands on her shoulders before pulling her flush against him, one hand wrapped tightly around her waist, the other stroking her hair sweetly, "Henry loves you so much and he knows you love him too. You're an incredible mother and you're an amazing cop and one day, he's going to be the one to tell you how incredible you are but if you really, truly mean what you're saying then I'll support you."_

_He lets go of his grip on her waist slightly and she pulls back just enough to meet his eyes, "if you want to leave SVU, then I'll support that decision. I'll support you in anything you want to do, as long as you're doing it to make you happy and you're not doing it out of fear or because you think it's what you're supposed to do." _

_Olivia wiped the tears that had fallen at some point during the conversation and smiled at Brian, her right hand moving to cup his face gently. He always knew what to say to calm her down, and even now, 4 months after giving birth, hormonal and tired he still found a way to relax her, to calm her fears. _

"_I don't want to leave SVU…" her voice was quiet, barely a whisper as she shook her head, moving her hand away from his face and rubbing her shoulder, contemplating what to say next, "I don't want to leave but I don't know to do. I can't keep working 14 hour days and coming home to you and our son like my life hasn't changed; It was already hard enough making time to see you, but now we have Henry and it feels like the only time he and I have together is his 4am feeding- right before I start getting ready for work, and God, Bri, sometimes it's just so hard." A shaky breath escapes her lips and she can't help but smile a little when she feels Brian's hand running soothingly over her back, comforting her, urging her to go on, "I thought working SVU was emotionally taxing before, but since having Henry, it's only gotten harder; harder to see the neglected, abused, unwanted children... I'm rambling and I don't even know what I was saying anymore, sorry."_

"_It's no problem, Liv, I want to help you, I love being the person you come home to and vent to. I love that you trust me with your fears but you need to trust me when I say this, Henry couldn't have gotten luckier than he did when you become his mother. He's young yet it's so obvious that he adores you and Liv, he'd be so proud of you for all you've done and all you continue to do with SVU. It's people like you that make the world a better place."_

_Olivia looked up at Brian with fresh tears welling as he continued, _

"_Your love for SVU and the difference you've made in the lives of so many people is incredible, but if you think it's too much, put in a request for a new captain. I'm sure the kids will be fine if you aren't in charge 24/7, they survived with a temporary commanding officer when you were on maternity leave, I'm sure they could do it now…"_

_Olivia's eyes widened as Brian's words resonated within her, somehow she hadn't thought of that, she knew it would be hard on the squad to deal with a new C.O., they were terrible at dealing with change but she knew she needed to do something to convince her that she was doing all she could possibly do to make her son happy, to make her family succeed._

"_I hadn't thought of that…"_

_Brian couldn't help the slight chuckle that escaped his lips as he leaned over to place a kiss on Olivia's head, "it's okay, you're a new mother who's still very sleep deprived" _

.

He was right about a new commanding officer, the pressure on her within the squad room had eased tremendously and she had time to spend with Henry and for the first time in a long time, she was happy. Of course that happiness didn't last as long as she would've liked, if it did, she wouldn't be here, sitting in this silent OR waiting room, waiting for an update, for hope.

She glances quickly at her watch once more, the surgery shouldn't last too much longer and she opens her book once more, losing herself in a world of fiction, of Paris and Nazi Germany. She hears the doors open and her eyes dart up as they lock with those of a young doctor, he calls for the family of Brian Cassidy and she steps toward him, why didn't Doctor Flores come out to give me an update, she wonders as panic begins to set in, what if something happened, what if complications arose.

"I'm sorry for the delay in updates, we ran into a slight issue with one of the grafts…"

Before the young doctor could finish Olivia was already cutting him off, panicking, "what do you mean an issue? Is he okay?"

"There's no need worry, Sergeant," the young doctor was calm and Olivia wasn't sure whether she should be thankful for his excellent bedside manner or angry that he was so calm while trying to assure her that her husband was indeed well after coming out to tell her that there had been an problem while her husband was in surgery. "The issue was with the graft, not your husband. The graft tore in surgery but luckily we had another and Dr. Flores is still working on him, hopefully we should have another update out to you sooner than later."

She nodded and uttered a quick thank you, as the doctor turned around and made his way back toward the operating rooms, this was going to be another long day.

.


End file.
